When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
