Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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