Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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