Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
