This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
