well you can't waste a boner
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
