He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
