saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
