They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
