At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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