While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
