He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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