he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
