I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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