I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
third nipple confirmed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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