I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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