I'm drive I can fine osifer
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
