hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
