my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
