So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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