i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize