Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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