I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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