I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
