worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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