Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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