no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
