Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
