Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
