My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
