...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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