We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
