I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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