Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
