you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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