i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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