I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
