But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
