i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
