i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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