I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bring money and cleavage
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
