There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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