so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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