i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
