you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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