I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
