i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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