3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
