Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
