I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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