I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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