Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
