u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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